Thomas Eugene "Tommy" Gross (1929-1995)

Tommy is my grand-uncle.

Tom’s niece, Donna (Gross) Linthicum, records the following memories of him:

“Uncle Tommy was my dad's little brother. There are many stories that I have heard from family members.There are a few that I can vividly recall from my childhood.

“Uncle Tommy married Laura Rhodes and they had a baby boy who died less than 1 year old. I understand that it was the result of pneumonia and also associated with congenital heart issues. Laura and Tommy obviously took this very hard. Laura committed Uncle Tommy into the Tiffin State Hospital.

“Years later, I remember going to pick him up and or drop him off there. Dad would go and pick him up on Fridays and take him back on Sundays. I remember it being warm and green; very peaceful and quiet. I vividly remember driving up to the big brick homes with big white pillars.

“Uncle Tommy appeared to always be smoking a pipe. Everyone loved that smell and to watch him pack it. I was told many times that my mom and dad spent time and money with lawyers trying to get Uncle Tommy out and back home with Grandma Gross. At that time, a spouse could commit the person as being mentally unstable and only they could only release them. From what I understand, Uncle Tommy's wife was able to move on with her life and didn't attempt to get him released.

“A few years later the State Hospital closed down and transferred him to a nursing home in Mansfield, Ohio. I remember visiting him with driver Dave, mom and sometimes Diane. The longer he stayed there the shorter the visits became. He seemed to get more agitated and was always asking how his mom was doing. I was coached not to let him know that Grandma Gross passed for he would be more deeply saddened.

“He soon was transferred to Lucasville Ohio to an institution. I remember my mom getting on the phone and complaining that they moved him so far away and never asked. I was then in nursing school and remember mom and Dave taking the road trip to visit. Again, the state moved him but this time to Toledo Mental Health Center.This is when I really saw him more. Mom would come up to spend a few days at my house. We would put on the "to-do" list to go visit Uncle Tommy.

“I then had a deeper appreciation for him. On these visits, and at this point of his life, Tommy was pretty much quiet, at times would pace (similar to many other family members),appear agitated, very disheveled, unkept, many times still in a hospital gown.

“On one afternoon,Mom, Aleece and I went to visit him. Aleece had an old little baby doll with her. He became very agitated and just cried "baby....baby.....baby......baby"continuously. I gave him the baby doll and he just held it and cried. We felt awful and made that visit short. He became more restless and needed more and more medications.

“He later was in a plain room by himself just laying there with no expression. I did not have mom go near the nurse or Tommy for fear of what she may see or injury. I really wanted to know what happened to this man. The nurse stated that he was really intrigued by his history too.

“We read his chart through and through. He went to numerous hospitals. X-rays found many irregularly healed fractures. This was probably from many phone calls to my mom from the places he resided that stated he became violent, had to be restrained and transferred to hospital for treatment. Did he become depressed, feel guilt,and feel useless after the death of his child? What if this happened in today's world? Could antidepressants, therapy, electroshock therapy, etc enable him to return to home and continue his family life with other offspring? This was before all of the documentation of restraints to protect the patient.

“Here I was pregnant with my second child and happy experiencing the life as a parent. I cannot imagine what he went through. In nursing school, I did rotations at TMHC and vividly remember staff telling us that many of the elderly patients if were treated as in the times now, wouldn't be locked up in a mental facility. They end up turning mental because of the environment. What a very sad, sad experience.

“Months later, Mom received a call that Uncle Tommy was in kidney failure. They wanted to put him on a transplant list. I reassured Mom and Dave that it was their choice. Uncle Tommy would be fearful to leave his security (home in a locked mental institution). What quality of life does he have now? Give the kidney to someone who wants to live. Tommy is not happy. Uncle Tommy was one of the many cases of why mental health has made so many advances in the last 50 years.”

Editor's Note:

Shortly after the tragic death of their only child in 1959, there appears to have been an argument. Accusations about raising the child incorrectly lead Laura and Tom into a physical confrontation. The details are unclear besides Laura called the police and committed her husband to the mental institution. She shortly filed for divorce. In early 1962, she was granted the divorce decree on the grounds of Gross Neglect/Extreme Cruelty. Even after the divorce, Laura had been the one to commit him to the institution, and despite family efforts to have him released, he spent the remainder of his life (over 30+ years) under involuntary commitment.

When the kidney failure was diagnosed, ultimately the decision was made to allow Tommy's life to continue it's natural course. He passed away in 1995 of kidney failure. His death certificate states he was proclaimed dead at Grandview Hospital in Dayton as an ER patient. They listed on his death certificate his occupation to be "Sanitary services-Garbage collector" prior to his commitment.

Frances Clara (Dey) Taylor (1913-2000)

Frances is my great-aunt.

Mrs. Taylor retired as a seamstress from Zinks and Heymans in Fremont prior to her death. She was a Kiwanis Manor resident since 1981. She attended Columbian High School and enjoyed traveling, having visited Mexico, Europe, North Africa, India, China, and Australia, as well as the United States. As a child, her father left her and her mother. As a result, Frances was raised by her mother and step-father, Ralph. She married Robert A Taylor in 1930. According to her death certificate, she died of acute pulmonary edema, sudden cardiac arrhythmia, hypertension, and morbid obesity.

SSN = 284-28-2074

Frances’ niece, Debra (Gross) Moon, records the following memories of her:

“Aunt Frances was a fascinating individual.  I remember going to her and Uncle Bob's house as children.  Bob was a chef at Hotel Fremont and an extremely good cook,especially with sauerkraut balls.  What I remember most about holiday meals at their home was the many varied dishes available to us.  Dave, my brother, and I  always sat at the bar because we were big kids and no room for us at the dinner table.  We often got cases of the giggles (similar to Fr. Blobmeyer at Port Clinton Sacred Heart Church) regarding the mashed potatoes.  Inevitably we would find Lady’s (their black dog) curly hairs in our taters.  We constantly picked them out and marveled quietly about those at the dinner table who obviously were munching away on their hairy potatoes unbeknownst to them.

“Uncle Bob and Aunt Frances had purchased a lot at Merry Lake with the hope of building a resort home in the future.  I remember the road trips, just Dave and I, in the back seat of the 1960's Mustang with Uncle Bob driving and Dad riding shotgun.  The place looked like was a barren lot with many trees needing care and clearing in order to begin any future plans.  It was a dream, as all people hold true to dreams, but needless to say, dreams need to begin somewhere.  I doubt to this day that any of those lots have ever been developed but people tend to hold onto dreams.

“Aunt Frances was a jack or shall I say, a Jill of all trades.  She loved to dabble in crafts of all kinds,making cut glass lighting fixtures and crocheting see through tops which she wore no additional clothing under.  Aunt Fran was not a real petite woman either!

“She liked to consider herself,especially after Uncle Bob passed on, a self taught repair women and remodeling enthusiast.  I give her that much credit because she would tackle anything!  Her painting and wallpapering left a bit to be desired. She would cut her own linoleum or just use stick down squares.  Carpeting was another of her vast projects she "attempted" to complete. She definitely was a candidate for co-hosting ‘This Old House’!  You have to admire her tenacity.

“The majority of her remodeling and home improvement projects occurred at her 1313 Circle Drive abode.  To this day, we are not sure that home ‘stands’!

“Then there was the classic Belvadere car she drove for years.  I still remember her classic Grace Kelly self constructed French twist hair and her wide wardrobe of hand designed classics, many of which the dress' bodice was crocheted leaving plenty of cleavage.  But she needs to be celebrated as a woman not afraid to tackle anything and try it herself.  Some projects were definitely more successful than others but there is much to be gained from the self satisfaction of doing it myself’.”

Obituary:

 Death Certificate:

Ralph Burton Gross Jr (1925-1975)

Ralph is my grandfather.

Mr. Gross, my grandfather, had worked for the General Electric Co for 29 years and was a foreman at the Tiffin plant. He was a member of the GE Quarter Century Club and of St. Joseph Church and its Holy Name Society. He was an Army veteran of World War II serving as a Private First Class in Germany and France from 1943-1945. He was awarded the Bronze Star Medal for service as a scout in his battalion intelligence section as well as the Purple Heart for being wounded in battle (Enlistment Date: 20 Nov 1943). Ralph B Gross Jr died at University Hospital in Columbus, where he had been a patient for about a month battling cancer. He is my only grandparent I have not met.

Ralph’s son, David Ralph Gross, records the following memories of him:

Ralph & Marguerite's Wedding

“When I was a kid we lived on Malmore Street and we were remodeling our new house so we could move into it.  I remember going there with Dad and working with him, the carpenter, electrician and plasterer. I remember knocking down walls and us working with the plaster guy doing all the swirls and work on the big ceiling in the living room.  I probably was not much help and many times was in the way but I thought I was helping.   Little did I know back then that we were actually working on the perfect house.

“Dad always was the car driver and mom did not drive.  I remember we used to have a Scout and a Buick Special.  The Buick Special did not need a key to start it.  We also had several station wagons.  Dad was a good driver.  I remember one time when we were driving to the lake and a car was passing ahead of us and almost hit us head on.  Dad drove off the road to avoid hitting the other car.  We had a lot of snow back then and I do not remember ever getting stuck in the snow that Dad could not rock forward and back and get us free.  The one thing I remember that really used to bug Dad while he was driving was we used to take a Styrofoam cooler back and forth from the lake.  It was in the back of that station wagon and sometimes it would make noises.  We had to always adjust the cooler so it was quiet because dad did not like the squeaky Styrofoam noises.

“Dad and I used to watch western shows on Saturday afternoons. I remember us both lying on the living room floor in the front of the TV. He used to use me as his pillow.  Most times after a while he would fall asleep and I might lift his head up and put a pillow under his head and I would go away for a while and then come back.

“Dad used to like to drink beer.  He would usually like a beer after he got home from work.  Sometimes he would have one outside with the neighbor along the property line.  Many times they would dump the foam on the little evergreen seeding we got from school.  Out of all of the seedlings that we got over the years, the only one that actually grew and survived was the one that had all the beer spilled on it.  The beer tap was in the basement.  I remember when we used to roll the big kegs down the basement stairs to the tap.  Most people at the lake drank beer and alcohol.  Actually I cannot think of anyone that did not drink up there, some actually started the day out drinking and definitely drank too much.  One of the people that had a trailer at the lake owned the Red Horse Tavern in town.  Dad and I went there once in a while and he got a beer and I drank a soda.   

Ralph at war.

“Sometimes up the lake we used to play kick ball.  One of the people that had a trailer up there was mean to us kids.  He would steal our ball if it went in his yard.  He was a mean neighbor.  If the ball went in his yard dad would go get our ball for us.  I remember a few times my Dad’s friend and he would work on their car and make excessive noise to mess with the mean neighbor.  He definitely deserved it.

“Uncle Jim, Uncle Don and Dad worked at General Electric.  They were all foremen at the plant. When I was a kid I thought maybe I would work there also when I grew up.

“We used to do a lot for the family.  I remember going to Grandma Gross'house and mowing and fixing things.  When Uncle Bob was alive we went up to Mary Lake and helped them clear up the lot that they were going to build on.  After Uncle Bob died we used to go to Fremont and fix things and work on stuff occasionally at Aunt Francis’ house.  Dad and I went to pick up Uncle Tommy from Tiffin Center for his weekend visits with Grandma Gross and then take him back Sunday night.

“Most times Dad liked to go to church real early.  Many times it was six o’clock in the morning when he went.

“Dad loved to fish.  When we had our trailer at the lake it seemed like every nice day we would go fishing in the morning.  We would fish until we ran out of minnows and then head back.  When we got back we would scale and filet the fish.  The guy that ran the electric fish scaler was always a mess.  Some people did not do a good job of filleting the fish.  I remember when I was a kid and mom choked on a fish bone.  When I filleted fish I made sure I had not bones in the filets.  Dad cleaned fish good also.  The best day fishing I remember was when Dad, my buddy Mike and his dad, Arby, went fishing.  Mike and I were on one side and dad and Arby was on the other side of the boat.  Mike and I would bait up and let our lines down and within 5 seconds we would have a bite and bring up two fish at a time on our spreaders.  This was like non-stop for maybe an hour or so. Dad and Arby were not catching much on the other side of the boat but we were hauling them in on our side.

“I remember when I learned to water ski.  Sometimes my friends and I would ski behind our boat.  Our boat at top speed was really fast and would go over 50 MPH.  Sometimes Dad would pull me full throttle.  It was scary but fun.  The wipeouts sometimes were not so fun though.  To this day many times I water ski I like to go full throttle. The speed is fun; falling not so much.

“It always seemed like Dad could do anything.  I never remember him saying that he did not know how to do anything.  He always figured a way to get the job done, always working at something, either at our house, our trailer or a relative’s house.

“Dad was in the army and was injured.  He had obvious scarring and previous wounds to his leg and back.  I know they were significant injuries when they occurred but he never complained about them to me.  I never once heard him talk about what it was like or how terrible the war was.  He got back from his service to our country and went on with his life.  He did not use the war as a reason that he could not get on with life or cope with anything.”

Left to Right: Deb, Marguerite, Diane, Ralph, Dave (Donna was not yet born)

Editor's Note:

Despite how well Ralph appears to have not allowed his war sufferings to have affected his children, Ralph's wife, Marguerite, records a different story in her video autobiography. She recalls many nights that Ralph would wake up (sometimes yelling) in a cold sweat from nightmares. She states feeling like he was suffering with flashbacks that he wouldn't open up about. Marguerite reports sometimes Ralph would daze off in memories and seem distant. Ralph may have moved on with his life as best he could, and not complained, but it is clear that his selfless service to his country has left permanent marks on him, both physically and emotionally.

Elizabeth (Laugerman) Gross (1892-1984)

Elizabeth is my great grandmother.  

 Mrs. Elizabeth M. (Laugerman) Gross lived to be 91 years old. During the course of her life, she was a housewife to two husbands. The first, Earl Dey, left to be with a woman from the circus after they had a daughter (Frances) together. Elizabeth later married Ralph, had two sons, and remained with him until his death in 1954.  She ended her life in the Altra Mira Nursing Home in Seneca County. She was active in St. Mary's Catholic Church and a member of the Rosary Alter Society, the D. of I, and the Knights of St. John's Auxiliary. She is buried in the Greenlawn Cemetery in Tiffin, Ohio.

Elizabeth’s granddaughter, Diane Marie (Gross) Kimmet, records the following memories of her:

“My earliest memories of 'Little Grandma' (her nickname since she was the smaller, shorter, of my Grandmas) were all the fun times playing at her house.  She had only 4 grandchildren so she tended to spoil us and let us do whatever we wanted.  I used to love to swing and play on her porch until one Easter I was done eating and asked to swing.  I was probably around 4 years old and was swinging away and the swing flipped and tossed me. Everyone else was still eating and Mom told me all they heard was a loud thud and then me screaming.  Needless to say I ended up at the ER for stitches and my Mom's white dress was ruined. Grandma felt so bad and I think our connection began then.

“I spent more time at her house than any of my siblings-a lot more attention there for me and Grandma played with me all the time.  At any early age I became quite good at playing cards for money with her friends and had quite a coin purse with my winnings always on hand,hidden in my room there.  We would go on long walks and we would always walk the train tracks to make it an adventure.  When Donna was along,Grandma would walk in the middle and we would balance on the rails-it was so much fun, trying to see who could go without falling off.

“From Grandma I observed and helped can food. She was always doing veggies and fruits and I loved to wait to hear all the lids pop.  I would go down the cellar, as she called it, and organize all the jars and pick what I wanted to eat.  I just thought this was the coolest thing in the world.

“Grandma also had a slanted ceiling attic and I was allowed to go up there and check out everything.  My Father's military uniforms were there and a cedar chest with great treasures; I would spend hours looking at everything.  The jewelry was all sparkling, probably costume, but I was allowed to play with it all as long as it was returned to the proper places.  The victrola was another favorite of mine. She would play it for me and once I got old enough I was trusted to play it on my own.  Grandma trusted me that I would take care of these priceless items and I did.

“Grandma went to Church every morning, prayed the rosary every day, and was active in several service clubs.  She had great faith in God, especially during storm and tornado warnings.  She would never go to her basement, but instead would sit in her rocker and pray.  She believed that if the Lord wanted her and it was time, that she was ready so why go downstairs.  To this day I think of that whenever I hear a weather siren.

“Grandma was so precious. She gave the greatest pucker kisses and always had cheese puffs and root beer for us. 'Smacks' was her nickname for the cheese puffs and I still call them that.  I think of her and still miss her. Both Grandmas left very happy memories with me.”

Death Record:

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Obituary:

1930 Federal Census Record: